“We don’t even try to talk anymore—it always just ends up in a big ugly argument.”
Whether you argue every time you try to talk, or whether
you just don’t even try anymore and just stay uncomfortably silent while privately searing below the surface, a communication problem is a very frequent reason people call us.
What can I do about communication problems in my intimate relationship?
- Determine the multiple causes for the communication breakdown.
- Address the main causes by strengthening the relationship in key ways.
Are your arguments really about a toothpaste cap or shoes being left on the floor? Obviously that is the subject of the arguments, but what is fueling the argument? Why does it feel like we keep having the same argument no mater what the subject is?
Is it possible that toothpaste caps and socks actually have very little to do with your argument? Could it be that you are really arguing about not feeling cared for? Not feeling respected? Feeling disregarded? Or unloved?
This is why it is important to get professional help when facing ongoing relationship disruption. It may be important to do more than solve a problem you’re having with socks or toothpaste caps. It might even involve more than just learning to talk and listen better. Solving your communication problem might mean addressing and strengthening your relationship’s foundation–the caring, connection, trust, respect, and affinity you have for one another .
In a series of usually between six and twelve sessions an experienced therapist can help you both get talking (and listening) again. Not by being a referee in the battle, but by helping you get your needs met in your relationship and become better referees yourselves.
Has counseling helped you or someone you know overcome a personal issue? What helpful things have you learned about yourself or a relationship you were in by seeing a therapist or counselor?